Poetic Desires

I want to jump in the car, and listen to music that makes you cry...and just drive over to his house and have a movie moment...
Just...go over there, and call him say "Come outside.." and hang up. He comes out, and I roll the window down, and say "hop in.." and he does...no questions....
And we just drive off..and we talk...and everything gets better....
We have our lil indie film moment, where things are raw, and real, and we cry, and things are okay...
while we listen to music that could not possibly be more better written into the situation...
But..then I think about how it would happen in reality...
I'd get in the car, and drive for 20 mins...listening to music, everything would be going according to plan....according to fantasy...
I'd get there, call him, and say "come outside" and he'd ask "what? Why" and try to argue with me...and get me flustered...then he'd succum to coming outside...I'd roll down the window, and say "hop in" and he'd say something like "what, now?..." and then we'd argue about how I didn't give him any warning and how he's busy, or waiting for dinner, or working on his stupid writting....and I'd have wasted the time, the enegry, and the gas to just go home...alone...more angry, more flustered, and more isolated feeling than ever....
I hate that I feel so alone, there is no reason... I have my parents, I have my husband, I have my dog... I have a few friends who give me the time of day when they can...but mostly... I just sit here alone...
I hate going places alone..so I don't go out..but if I don't go out, I can't meet anyone...
and when I do get (what I feel is pitty) offers to hang out, I usualy turn them down, because I'm afraid that I won't have anything in common with these people anymore, and it will just be weird...
I've trapped myself in this cycle...and I need SOMEONE to just come over to my house...barge in, tell me to get showered and dressed and come out with them...
or sit and play mario with me or something... just....prove to me that I belong, that I am important...that you DO think of me....
I am sick of having to start conversations, I'm sick of feeling like the little annoying sister, who doesn't get that you don't wanna play barbies with them...
OY!...
Does anyone TRULY get what I'm saying here?